- Carolin Rechberg
A love as inspiration
I will never understand
That if you see me as a friend
Why you alienated me
Why you blamed me for betraying you while you where seemingly endlessly wandering
Why you told me to wait for you
When in the end you showed you wanted nothing to do with me
Excluded me
From your life
Your friends
Your family
even from art and music we could have created
Shut yourself to having fun
From the promise of what had begun.
Simply from everything for which you cared
I will never understand how you could pretend to be such a victim of me
When you where living the hipocracy
Toying with me
Seeding hope
While refusing and ridiculing me
Yes you made me leave my happy home
Cause I could not live in a city
Where such actions seem to persist more then living truthfully
Nauseous from having to be cautious
Weary of being feared and steered into the abyss of disconnection
Because of a lack of introspection What over long term can be seeded by such action ?
I will never understand how one can love and yet offend
Treat one as if the greatest enemy at hand
My heart weeps for you
And I feel
Sorrow for the opportunities we could not breathe into
But while five years should feel like a waste they showed me how Important it is to,
Stay true to oneself and be no one else's fool
Staying true
Believing in the daily rhythm and not things not in ones decision
Not pinning ones heart to one
Who will toy rather then be open and have fun
It taught me and still teaches me
Yes to be true
To let no one play me like I allowed you
No potential Buried, is high enough,
To cause worry If it does not want to be unburried
I allowed you to mine me like a quarry
And now I am letting sediments heal and cover the scars you left in your blindness and egomanic furry
I used to
But now refuse to
Understand you
You tormented my heart
And new that you were from the start
You chose to twist my mind and emotions
Terrifying a soul and spirit pure in devotion
So wise and yet too innocent and naive to see
That you were never honest to me
Some part of me believes our love as something true beyond the smallness of how you chose to be
But only life will tell
If you will cast off your own spell
And treat others as you want to be treated as well
Until then I won't choose to give my energy
To stand and believe
In someone who embodies half of what he seeds
Enough sorrow I have carried
Over something
It took me so long to see
Something simply not meant to be
So thank you for letting me be free
Treating me so brutally that even I,
who would have devoted my life to loving you
Had to change reality
To live life peacefully
So thank you
Thank you honestly
Cause you taught me to see through people preaching
but not living it too
Thank you because you taught me
off people acting as if but not able to live love in life honestly like you
Thank you
Thank you
Even if I don't understand
I still love you
And always will
Without Will just because
My being is born to.
But what I give to you and exude
Will solely be dependent on the reciprocation you show me too
Until then I hold such a love as inspiration
As a privilege and damnation
It will carry through the things I do
The actions leading to success and failure too
It will excavate the depth of possible attentiveness from my soul
It will teach to preach how to treasure others like a Well
To value the drop of anyone's presence like the preciousness of water
Always a gift
Never a bother
Since I know the pain and misery
If someone treats one
With disrespect and shame
Through playing a conditioned game
I do understand you
But it makes my heart weep
That you are victim to the very way
You want to hold at bay.
That you even choose to support these
And believe in those
Who are still driven by power rather then the truth
Who are carcasses of history
Hollow shells from what they don't know how to embody.
Of loving your neighbour
How you want to be loved
Sow day maybe it will turn into life and not just a thought