A love as inspiration

I will never understand

That if you see me as a friend

Why you alienated me

Why you blamed me for betraying you while you where seemingly endlessly wandering

Why you told me to wait for you

When in the end you showed you wanted nothing to do with me

Excluded me

From your life

Your friends

Your family

even from art and music we could have created

Shut yourself to having fun

From the promise of what had begun.

Simply from everything for which you cared

I will never understand how you could pretend to be such a victim of me

When you where living the hipocracy

Toying with me

Seeding hope

While refusing and ridiculing me

Yes you made me leave my happy home

Cause I could not live in a city

Where such actions seem to persist more then living truthfully

Nauseous from having to be cautious

Weary of being feared and steered into the abyss of disconnection

Because of a lack of introspection What over long term can be seeded by such action ?

I will never understand how one can love and yet offend

Treat one as if the greatest enemy at hand

My heart weeps for you

And I feel

Sorrow for the opportunities we could not breathe into

But while five years should feel like a waste they showed me how Important it is to,

Stay true to oneself and be no one else's fool

Staying true

Believing in the daily rhythm and not things not in ones decision

Not pinning ones heart to one

Who will toy rather then be open and have fun

It taught me and still teaches me

Yes to be true

To let no one play me like I allowed you

No potential Buried, is high enough,

To cause worry If it does not want to be unburried

I allowed you to mine me like a quarry

And now I am letting sediments heal and cover the scars you left in your blindness and egomanic furry

I used to

But now refuse to

Understand you

You tormented my heart

And new that you were from the start

You chose to twist my mind and emotions

Terrifying a soul and spirit pure in devotion

So wise and yet too innocent and naive to see

That you were never honest to me

Some part of me believes our love as something true beyond the smallness of how you chose to be

But only life will tell

If you will cast off your own spell

And treat others as you want to be treated as well

Until then I won't choose to give my energy

To stand and believe

In someone who embodies half of what he seeds

Enough sorrow I have carried

Over something

It took me so long to see

Something simply not meant to be

So thank you for letting me be free

Treating me so brutally that even I,

who would have devoted my life to loving you

Had to change reality

To live life peacefully

So thank you

Thank you honestly

Cause you taught me to see through people preaching

but not living it too

Thank you because you taught me

off people acting as if but not able to live love in life honestly like you

Thank you

Thank you

Even if I don't understand

I still love you

And always will

Without Will just because

My being is born to.

But what I give to you and exude

Will solely be dependent on the reciprocation you show me too

Until then I hold such a love as inspiration

As a privilege and damnation

It will carry through the things I do

The actions leading to success and failure too

It will excavate the depth of possible attentiveness from my soul

It will teach to preach how to treasure others like a Well

To value the drop of anyone's presence like the preciousness of water

Always a gift

Never a bother

Since I know the pain and misery

If someone treats one

With disrespect and shame

Through playing a conditioned game

I do understand you

But it makes my heart weep

That you are victim to the very way

You want to hold at bay.

That you even choose to support these

And believe in those

Who are still driven by power rather then the truth

Who are carcasses of history

Hollow shells from what they don't know how to embody.

Of loving your neighbour

How you want to be loved

Sow day maybe it will turn into life and not just a thought