A love as inspiration

June 14, 2016

I will never understand 

That if you see me as a friend

Why you alienated me

Why you blamed me for betraying you while you where seemingly endlessly wandering

Why you told me to wait for you

When in the end you showed you wanted nothing to do with me

Excluded me

 

From your life

Your friends

Your family

even from art and music we could have created 

Shut yourself to having fun 

From the promise of what had begun. 

Simply from everything for which you cared

 

I will never understand how you could pretend to be such a victim of me 

When you where living the hipocracy

Toying with me

Seeding hope

While refusing and ridiculing me

 

Yes you made me leave my happy home

Cause I could not live in a city

Where such actions seem to persist more then living truthfully 

 

Nauseous from having to be cautious

Weary of being feared and steered into the abyss of disconnection

Because of a lack of introspection What over long term can be seeded by such action ?

 

I will never understand how one can love and yet offend 

Treat one as if the greatest enemy at hand

 

My heart weeps for you

And I feel

Sorrow for the opportunities we could not breathe into 

But while five years should feel like a waste they showed me how Important it is to,

Stay true to oneself and be no one else's fool

 

Staying true

Believing in the daily rhythm and not things not in ones decision 

Not pinning ones heart to one 

Who will toy rather then be open and have fun 

It taught me and still teaches me

Yes to be true 

 

To let no one play me like I allowed you

No potential Buried, is high enough,

To cause worry If it does not want to be unburried

 

I allowed you to mine me like a quarry 

And now I am letting sediments heal and cover the scars you left in your blindness and egomanic furry

 

I used to 

But now refuse to

Understand you

You tormented my heart

And new that you were from the start

You chose to twist my mind and emotions

Terrifying a soul and spirit pure in devotion

So wise and yet too innocent and naive to see

That you were never honest to me

 

Some part of me believes our love as something true beyond the smallness of how you chose to be 

But only life will tell 

If you will cast off your own spell

And treat others as you want to be treated as well 

 

Until then I won't choose to give my energy 

To stand and believe 

In someone who embodies half of what he seeds 

 

Enough sorrow I have carried

Over something 

It took me so long to see

Something simply not meant to be

 

So thank you for letting me be free

Treating me so brutally that even I, 

who would have devoted my life to loving you

Had to change reality 

To live life peacefully 

 

So thank you

Thank you honestly

Cause you taught me to see through people preaching 

but not living it too

 

Thank you because you taught me 

off people acting as if but not able to live love in life honestly like you

Thank you

Thank you 

 

Even if I don't understand 

I still love you

And always will

Without Will just because 

My being is born to.

But what I give to you and exude

Will solely be dependent on the reciprocation you show me too

 

Until then I hold such a love as inspiration 

As a privilege and damnation

It will carry through the things I do

The actions leading to success and failure too

 

It will excavate the depth of possible attentiveness from my soul

It will teach to preach how to treasure others like a Well

To value the drop of anyone's presence like the preciousness of water 

Always a gift 

Never a bother 

Since I know the pain and misery

If someone treats one 

With disrespect and shame

Through playing a conditioned game 

 

I do understand you

But it makes my heart weep

That you are victim to the very way

You want to hold at bay. 

That you even choose to support these 

And believe in those 

Who are still driven by power rather then the truth 

Who are carcasses of history

Hollow shells from what they don't know how to embody.

 

Of loving your neighbour 

How you want to be loved

Sow day maybe it will turn into life and not just a thought 

 

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